Coming Back Home

it's been a looooong time coming...so I thought I'd try something new, a short story I had to do for my journalism class, hope it makes up for the weeks of silence

LOVE AND LET LIVE:

‘Something’s are just not worth holding to, some people are just not worth holding to let it or them go. Open your arms wide to receive new blessings. You cannot do that if your hands or heart is constantly holding on to the things of the past, holding on to past pain or regrets of yesterday. Let it go move forward to the present and have your heart, mind and soul looking forward to the blessings of tomorrow rather than the pain, and regret of yesterday. Be happy enough in your own skin to know when to hold on to things and when to let them go,’ read the magazine article.

We all need to learn that something’s are just about forgiveness you can’t progress if you stand still waiting for something to happen in your life, she thought as she stood looking at her watch for what seemed like the hundredth time. He had apologised already and he seemed genuinely apologetic this time…

‘I love you, really I do, that girl was just a mistake please believe me, she meant nothing to me’ she sat with her cup of tea in her hand remembering every excuse he had used this time around. Why do you keep forgiving him? Has he not done you wrong enough, why do you keep going back to him? It’s not healthy for you to live like this…one of her friends had asked her a few days ago. What was it she said in response to that; oh yeah it was something like ‘you do not understand the things we have gone through, you don’t understand how much I love him and despite all the things that he does to me I know that deep down he loves me’ she said.

Her friend had replied with a sarcastic ‘your right we do not understand a man who claims to love you yet run after anything in a skirt – it that’s your definition of love I don’t want any of it you can keep it’. Now here she was six weeks pregnant and about to make a decision that will turn her entire life on its head. How does she even begin to contemplate a life with just her and her baby, without the man she has given everything to?

She puts her hand on stomach as a sort of confirmation of the life growing inside her. She could not have been more shocked and excited about it. **two weeks ago… ‘It’s just a stomach bug, I must have eaten something that does not agree with me’ I explained to my friends. They all just kept looking at each with that ‘yeah really a stomach bug’ look that told me they did not believe a word I had just said to them. 

But when the ‘bug’ refused to go away I knew I had to go have it checked out. Nothing would have surprised me more when the doctor came out of his chambers with that look – the look all doctors have when they are about give you news they think you should be happy about – ‘Congratulations Miss K you are four weeks pregnant’. From then on my life had changed, still not sure if it was a change for the better or for the worse.

She looks at her watch once more determined that this would be the last time that she would ever be made vulnerable to another human being. She decided that it was now time to move on with her life. Just then the waiter came by with the bill. But just as she was about to leave there he was coming into view, he looked he had just jogged the 5 minute walk from his work place to the café. He looked like a vision or something that had just walked out of her dream. Man did she love this man but this time her love for him was not going to be enough to keep them together.

‘Sorry I’m late love, I just lost track of time’ when he noticed that she was preparing to leave he asked ‘how long have you been waiting for me, please don’t tell me that you were about to leave’ he said, sounding a little panicked. She almost cracked under pressure then she remembered that she has another that she needs to think of and that gave her courage to say to him…

‘Yes, I was about to leave not just the restaurant but you as well. Its time I re-evaluate my life without you in it, and this time I don’t just want a break from you I want an end to all those lonely nights I spend waiting for you to come home. I want an end to the endless worrying when you don’t call to let me know that you will be home late, I want an end to the other girls calling my home for you but most importantly I want an end to the sad look I see in my eyes every day when you walk out the front door, wondering if this is the day that you will finally not come home because you have chosen her over me’.

For a moment he looked dumfounded, which made the silence between them seem endless. Finally he opened his mouth but no sound came out so he closed it again. After a few minutes he seemed to have regained his voice, he said ‘you can’t be serious; you can’t do this to me. I told you those girls meant nothing to me, they were all mistakes ple…’ ‘It still would not have mattered if they had meant anything to you; you still choose them over me more than once…also I’m six weeks pregnant’

Again he stood looking dumbfounded like he wanted to say something but his brain and tongue were working on different levels. Finally he said ‘you can’t just spring a bombshell like that on me after everything you just said and still expect me to let you walk out of my life’.

At that moment I picked up my bag preparing to leave, ‘you are not letting me do anything, I’m leaving you…I’m letting go of the what if’s, the shoulda, coulda and woulda’s that comes with loving you. I’m Opening your arms wide to receive the blessings of the I have’s and I can. I’m tired of walking backwards; I want to start moving forward, forward to the blessings of love happiness, peace and joy. To the blessing of a new life, full of forgiveness, I love you’s and I am sorry’s. I am ready to start swim against current because it is better to swim against the current than to continually go with the flow of loving you’

At that moment I turned to walk, and then turned back for the last time, he stood there looking so lost as if the ground had just been snatched from under his feet. For a spilt second I contemplated running into his arms and telling that everything will be ok, but when I put my hand on my still flat belly I knew that I had to fight that urge to smooth things over with him…’I love you don’t ever forget it’ was the last thing I said to him before I turned to leave.

It was now officially time for me to move on and find my voice amongst the many  voices out there and I can only do that if I break free from him stay free from him.