Assumptions: Make an A** of You and Me

Yesterday my colleagues - friends and almost family - were trying to give me advice on love. As one of the youngest and few females I get the brunt of all of this craze talk. They talked babies, finding the ‘one’ and the difficulties that they as men go through in marriages. I have to admit I did judge them a lot, making assumptions and drawing my own conclusions based on the things they said whether in jest or in truth. They opened my eyes to my own prejudice - that I didn’t even know I had at the time. I built up images of who I thought they were and held on to those images like a soldier holds onto his shield when in battle. 

I felt a bit embarrassed I have to admit that I did the one thing I hate when other people do it – judge me based on the assumptions they have made with regards to me and mine. Amos told me how much he loves his wife, giving me anecdotes about how he protects her above everything, Hloni talking to me about his family with reverence and respect, Tumi sharing fears and fortunes about his wife and kids. They say together sharing stories about heartache, love, laughter and everything in between that makes life on earth a little bit more valuable. I found their sometimes over-protectiveness of me a little endearing if not a bit annoying at times.

I learnt a big lesson on assumption(s), judging people based on a few pieces of conversation and then building an entire picture using the few puzzle pieces I had on the board. It’s very hard for me to say this but I was wrong about them but most importantly I was wrong about myself and my ability to not make assumption/judge the people I meet every day. I found myself thinking about all the incorrect assumptions that had been made and then perpetuated forward because I held onto it because in a way it felt justified to think of them within the limits that I thought of them in. Even writing this post I still feel a little ashamed because I know there will be people who will read this and judge me based on the manner in which I am writing this post and the language I used in order to portray the views that I had harbored at one time in life.

This isn’t a post about regret – I’m glad that I made those assumptions because had I not done it, I probably would not have made the time to get to know them and in doing so have my assumptions broken into a thousand little pieces right before my eyes.

I’m learning so much about myself during this new season in my life, that I probably would not have learnt had I not made the scary choice to jump into something I had not known. I feel like I’m growing, learning and running in ways that I never thought I would. It is the most amazing yet scariest feeling I’ve ever felt in a long time and to think this post started out because I wanted to talk about the assumptions that I had made about people I had not personally worked with before.

My parting shot is – don’t be afraid to make assumptions (I know some people won’t like me saying this but it's true) because you never know what you will learn because of those assumptions. Don’t be afraid to admit that you are in the wrong once your assumption(s) has been debunked. Be open to the lessons that some of your assumptions will teach you because that will mean that there is growth through every single thing that you do. Some lessons will be hard, other lessons will be easier to swallow but either way it is best to grow into the person you were meant to be rather than to hold onto who you used to be in an effort to be right in your own eyes.

The scariest thing about growth is that you never know where it will take you until you walk through the growth bridge. This year I’m all about making mistakes, assumptions, trying and falling, even failing but I think it would be worth it if growth is the end result.

Growth is knowing the difference between who you were, who you are and who you are supposed to be for as long as you are still on earth.