Being intentional...about falling in love

When I stared this year my one goal was to be consistently intentional or be intentionally consistent, I take planning very seriously because at heart I am a BIG planner. I like to know where I am going, so I constantly make sure that I have a plan to follow and try by all means to stick to it to the end. What I do not like is having curve balls thrown my way and I mean a whammy of a curve ball – things like that really throw me off. I don’t like having my plans disrupted, I’m not a fan of change, I don’t like the unknown – I like, no as a matter in fact I love the constant.
Fast forward to the first week of April 2019, I’m meeting amazing people, I’m focused on making sure that everything is going well and being low-key over achieving then bam!!!!!
Have you ever been PUNCHED in the stomach, I mean really PUNCHED in the stomach. *It feels like your lungs are about to climb up your throat and out through your mouth. You’re heart is beating so fast you think it may literally LEAP immediately out of your chest; your head is spinning like craze trying to compute all the things that are happening around you without going down a deep dark hole and things go BLACK.* I would like to believe that is how someone would feel if they had been hit in the stomach - I can neither confirm nor deny that it is happened to me before.

I met a guy - I know right *palm out emoji inserted here*, only a man can turn  women's brain to mush and have her going a little craze at times. The reason why this came as a shock to me is because I was totally blindsided by the wave of emotions that swept through me. Confusion, shock, horror, panic and a whole other host of emotions I don't think we have enough space on this particular post...

I kept asking myself would I be a good girlfriend. Would I measure up to the women he's dated before? Would I loose myself to him in a PURSUIT of a relationship with him? My mind seems to be going round in circles try to answer questions to which at this point I have been unable to verbalise because I’m not sure what is going on.


It feels like this is God's way of teaching me to let go and let HIM take control over my life or maybe it is a lesson on how to remember that whatever happens in my life, good, bad and everything in between I need to learn/ be able to trust HIM through it all. If that’s the case He really picked a human being I would not have expected in a million years.
So for now - as if I have a choice – I’m going to trust HIS signs and wonders. I’m going to trust that if we are meant to be then HE will indeed put all things into place for us no matter who or what may want to come in between (already foreseeing the enemy at work *eye roll*). Therefore for now I opt to be open to God’s voice, open to the internal whispering that might be taking place. Open to intently hearing from Him as if He was sitting right here next to me.


Some situations no matter how bad things may be or how hard you may with for things to be different you just have to trust that God has your back. My prayer therefore is ‘Lord though I may not know and may not understand what is happening right now I pray that you are able to work things out in my life for the good.' 

 ***P.S. The women behind the post wanted to stay anonymous but I still thought this was an amazing story *smiley wink face*

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Coming Back Home

Image
So firstly I guess I should apologize for the very  long hiatus...  Let me start at the very beginning; this past year was very hard for me. What made it even harder was finding out personally that the people who I thought would have my back were just not coming to the party - one of these days I’ll find the courage to tell that story.   I started the first quarter of the year unemployed because I had resigned from my job so it was a bit of a dark period for me -  that blog post coming up in a few weeks *she said hopefully* After a disastrous first three months I started a new job with new people, new challenges and just new everything. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride these past few months and I’ve loved every moment of it.  I make no promises that this year will be better in terms of the writing but I do endeavor to at least post something *once in a while - maybe* that will make you laugh, smile or just make you see things in ...
Read more

Fear on

I sometimes think I am my own worst nightmare, self-sabotaging before things even gets off the ground. Making a mess inside my own head then telling myself that it’s ok, I’m just protecting myself from potential harm. Over thinking even the most simplest of things because the very thought that I could actually deserve or be worthy of something seems too far-fetched for me, so I reply scenarios in my head coming up with all the   variable options then slowly bit by bit I tear down each and every single one of those options.  Discrediting them, discounting facts I do not know or yet understand all the way to making sure that I take apart all the scenarios I’ve played in my head. I sometimes in the dark of the night, looking up to the ceiling I genuinely believe that I am my own worst enemy, not the people around me plotting evil – trust me there are plenty people waiting and watching to see you fail – I seem to make a habit of tearing myself apart as if the world isn’t ful...
Read more
 Would be Housewife... I complain a lot, yes I am honest enough to know that complaining is one of the many things I do well in life. I use public transport to get to work - best believe that from getting off the train to getting on the taxi that will eventually take me to work I would have at least found five different things to complain bout. The music is too loud in the taxi, the passengers on the bus thinking they own the space, the person next to me is chewing so loud I can’t even here myself think.... the list does go on but I don't want to encourage my inner complaint. So one day as I was going on my very famous complaint route, I turned to one of my colleagues and say to her - "You know my life would be so much easier if I was a housewife'. She stops, turns and looks at me, with a rather puzzled look on her face and asks - 'Why'. I then told her: ‘That life would be easier for me if all I did was stay home and bake stuff”. Now before all the aw...
Read more