New Beginnings


The scariest thing about the New Year is that we put so much pressures on ourselves to reach what I sometimes think are unattainable, maybe a little unrealistic goals. A New Year comes around, you take stock of the previous resolutions and you beat yourself up because you open the piece of paper that you had written your previous resolutions on and realize that you either forgot about them or you had made ridiculous timelines that even you could not reach - even if you had more time in the year.

Side note: I am not a big fan of resolutions mainly because I have written them down only to not keep up with them *face palm* so that is why this new beginnings is really important for me. Last year I turned 26 and had so much drive and passion for what I thought would be a relatively good year and for most part it was. However at some point during the year I started to lose focus on the bigger picture when things made a turn for the worse and I mean for the worse.

I went through a year of racism, a year of being unappreciated, overworked and extremely, extremely under paid!! So during the year when I was at my lowest; not knowing which direction to take, what road to walk down, I realised something – I lost who I am in the pursuit of who I thought I should be.

It was only when I had hit what I know now as rock bottom did I realise that I had forgotten my path, I had forgotten my dream. See I am one of those people that has always had a plan, I’m not one of those people who can just ride the wave to wherever it might end. I thrive on having a plan – a detailed plan – so imagine my surprise when I realised one day that my perfectly laid out plans had fallen flat. My business partnership fell apart; my job was going sideways which eventually lead me to my new beginning – leaving my job.

That’s where this blog post comes in, last year towards the end of the year I started my new beginning. I was scared out of my mind. I had just left my job, old plans were discarded, new plans that would eventually lead to new beginnings but I was still scared out of my mind. But what has kept me going is that I have no choice but to keep going.

Now I could end this post by letting you know that everything since then has been amazing; that I’m no longer scared; that things are working out as planned – NOT!!!!!! Things are still hard. There are days I wake up and my brain is just buzzing with new ideas or crafting old ideas. Some days I wake up and all I want to do is sleep, eat then sleep again.

Truth be told it has been a hard transition and the reality is; it will continue to be hard. The only thing that is making my new beginnings much easier is that I am at peace – with myself, my situation, my circumstances and just everything that is happening around me during this new beginning season. One of these days I’ll post about how I’ve overcome my fear but that day is not today.

P.S. it’s okay to be scared what is not okay is too be too scared to move out of a bad thing.


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